I have been doing work on my own history of misogyny and the abuse that many women suffer daily under a man's unaddressed brokenness. Here I try to describe what is going through a man's psyche as he unconsciously uses a woman to mend his own wounded heart. Dear [...]
Our Glory & Our Depravity engaging the good & bad of what makes us most human By Andrew J. Bauman I tell my son often, “There are no such things as bad guys, just people with difficult stories.” He normally responds with a puzzled look and then continues on [...]
What does it mean to love someone without being emotionally enmeshed? How can we be solid within our own true self without other people's decisions completely shaking our foundation? Here I discuss the concept of differentiation and how it impacts relationship. The Differentiated Self: creating healthy relationship Andrew J. Bauman [...]
I wrote this poem as a way to process my own masculine journey. There was a war inside me fighting for supremacy. A war between my inner child and the aggressive man I was becoming. I needed to give voice to this war in my head, and to the battle [...]
Here I reflect on the harm that occurs when restoration is not present, when acts of sexual brokenness are sanctioned by structures of power and, often, complicit church hierarchies. Please note: this article features a quote (widely circulated in news media last year) that is violently degrading and may be [...]
Most of us learned to develop defensive structures and strategies to protect ourselves from painful situations and relationships in our past. But what happens when those defenses emerge years later, in the midst of intimate relationships with close, trusted others? Here I write about how intimacy and vulnerability invite us [...]
“The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God” —Rumi, 13th Century Poet/Mystic Do you ever feel like you are walking through life with no skin on? When everything hurts. Your entire body tenderized. People’s words feel like arrows as you hobble along not knowing if you can endure [...]
It is common, particularly for Christians, to confuse humility and self-contempt, believing that avoiding the sin of pride means considering ourselves shameful and dirty. Here I confront the idea that our glory needs to be hidden and demeaned. In fact, maybe true humility and gratitude can only come when we [...]
Here I extend the invitation to engaging the realm of pornography—where, for many people, shame and self-contempt are far too dominant. Where is the beauty in our desire, and how might blessing that beauty moves us toward healing? Christian Newswire reported that 68% of Christian men and 50% of pastors [...]
Here I write of my own experience with sense of loss during this season and about how we can honor grief even when it contradicts the expectations of those around us. “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news [...]
As I mentioned in my previous article, I come from the first generation where Internet pornography entered our homes with staggering regularity. The pattern of pornography use has shown no sign of slowing down. As Belinda Luscombe writes in her Time article “Porn and the Threat to Vitality,” an “independent [...]
