The Minimization of Pornography

By |2022-11-11T00:24:57+00:00November 10th, 2022|Domestic Violence, Healing, Masculinity, patriarchy, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame, Uncategorized, Violence, women|

“I have been in sin and need prayer” or “I have a problem with lust” are common confessions within the church context. Those with a bit more courage will at least admit that they are struggling with pornography or wandering thoughts about females. But even that has become so normative [...]

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Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

By |2021-11-11T04:41:18+00:00October 20th, 2021|Church, Domestic Violence, Healing, Marriage, Masculinity, patriarchy, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized, Violence|

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like [...]

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Counting Condoms & Learning Goodbye

By |2021-08-17T13:14:59+00:00August 10th, 2021|Calling, Calling, Glory, Uncategorized, Vocation|

For the last couple of years, I have created an odd and somewhat soothing ritual. As I talk on the phone with my clients (who are men struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors) from all over the nation, I count condoms. Odd, yes, but you have to know a little bit [...]

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The Good & Safe Man

By |2021-04-26T17:39:53+00:00April 26th, 2021|Domestic Violence, Fatherlessness, Glory, Healing, Masculinity, Relationships, Sexism, Shame, Uncategorized|

  Many women long for good and safe men in their lives. Sadly, they are rare, so much so that my wife keeps a list in her top drawer to remind herself that they even exist. Women need more good men. But men also need more good men. We long [...]

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What is a Sexually Healthy Man?

By |2020-12-07T18:48:12+00:00October 26th, 2020|Uncategorized|

This is an excerpt from my new book, The Sexually Healthy Man.  When you review the graph above, what do you feel in your body? Do you feel regret, hope, or maybe longing and desire for something new? Where do you find yourself? Do you see yourself more on the [...]

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Seeing My Dad’s Body

By |2020-03-03T20:24:37+00:00March 3rd, 2020|Addiction, Death, Fatherlessness, Forgiveness, Glory, Grief, Healing, Shame, Uncategorized|

The hot Clearwater, Florida sun demanded that we turn up the AC in the rental car on our way to the funeral home. As Christy and I drove up to the faded yellowish-white brick building, I felt the familiar tension of grief deep in my body. I knew this feeling, [...]

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Lessons on Ford & Kavanaugh from an Evangelical Sexist

By |2018-10-02T21:46:40+00:00October 2nd, 2018|Uncategorized|

This past week Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh has been accused of sexual assault, resulting in a political firestorm of controversy and contention between abuse advocates who want women’s stories to matter, and senators looking to safeguard their political agenda by securing a conservative Supreme Court justice. The President even [...]

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When Shame is Deeper than Salvation

By |2017-03-22T23:43:08+00:00February 14th, 2017|Uncategorized, Writings|

It is common, particularly for Christians, to confuse humility and self-contempt, believing that avoiding the sin of pride means considering ourselves shameful and dirty. Here I confront the idea that our glory needs to be hidden and demeaned. In fact, maybe true humility and gratitude can only come when we [...]

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