Sexuality in the Extremes: Shame vs. Shamelessness

By |2019-04-11T19:54:06+00:00April 11th, 2019|Addiction, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

“Getting off is getting off, it doesn’t matter how,” he said with a smirk. “I mean, I’m not gay, I just like busting a nut and don’t care how it happens.” My client’s crude demeanor was no surprise, considering his unwavering narcissism and complete shamelessness. I listened as he described [...]

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Raising Children Who Aren’t Sexist

By |2019-03-18T14:34:28+00:00March 18th, 2019|Domestic Violence, Healing, Masculinity, Relationships, Sexism|

As I've become aware of the complexities of sexism, I see the world much differently than I did before. I am beginning to look for ways to raise my children to not “drink the kool-aid” of sexism that is so ingrained in American society, especially in evangelical culture. Recently, my [...]

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Shining a Light into Shame’s Darkness

By |2019-03-06T02:05:34+00:00March 5th, 2019|Glory, Healing, Loss, Shame|

Proud to have Dr. Jason Kanz as a guest blogger on my website this week. Jason is a neuropsychologist and writer. You can follow his work at JasonKanz.com   For several years, I learned everything I could about shame. I read books, listened to lectures, and attended conferences about the [...]

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What If My Husband Is Using Porn?

By |2019-02-18T17:21:56+00:00February 18th, 2019|Addiction, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

It’s a question many women find themselves asking: What if I find out my husband is using porn? The chances are high that your husband has looked at pornography in the past, is currently using it, or will do so in the future. Barna Group’s research found that among Christian [...]

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Parable of the Self-Sufficient and the Broken

By |2019-02-13T23:23:18+00:00February 13th, 2019|Forgiveness, Glory, Grief, Healing, Shame|

A Therapeutic Rendition of Luke 18:9-14: 9 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own piety and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men wanted to please God. One was self-sufficient, and the other was a broken man who needed help. 11 The self-sufficient man [...]

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Life After Porn: Reconstructing a Healthy Sexuality After Pornography

By |2019-02-05T20:28:36+00:00February 5th, 2019|Addiction, Grief, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Reader's Ask, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

Dear Andrew, Before marriage, I was a sex addict who slept with hundreds of women and struggled terribly with porn. Porn was a struggle in the beginning of our marriage as well, but over time I have learned how to remove it from my life. I have never cheated on [...]

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Honest Misogynist Part 3

By |2019-01-15T20:53:02+00:00January 15th, 2019|Domestic Violence, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Violence|

Here is Part 3 of this continued series of letters both to and from an honest misogynist. May it stir your heart to action against violence. This piece was written in collaboration with Rose Gwynn.  Part 1 Part 2 Dear Honest Misogynist, What a journey this has been. I have learned [...]

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Learning to Write: With Body & Heart

By |2019-01-11T19:53:50+00:00January 11th, 2019|Calling, Healing, Poetry, Writings|

I am often asked about the writing process: how did I become a “real” author? Despite having published several books, at times I still don’t feel like a “real” author, and I don’t know if I ever will. I suspect that my feeling of not being a “real” writer stems [...]

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Fighting Clean: Tips on How to Argue Well

By |2019-01-06T16:18:03+00:00January 6th, 2019|Domestic Violence, Healing, Kindness, Relationships, Violence|

One thing I have always struggled with is learning how to fight clean. In my family of origin, we won arguments by any means necessary: belittling, demeaning, and making the other person feel as small and as insignificant as possible in order to gain the upper hand. If that sounds [...]

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‘Tis the Season for Date Rape: A Modern Interpretation of a Christmas Classic

By |2018-12-05T20:08:05+00:00December 5th, 2018|Domestic Violence, Grief, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame, Violence|

Internalized sexism and patriarchy are deeply entrenched into American culture. Even the Christmas season is not immune from this plague. As we celebrate the baby Jesus’ courageous entry into our world, sexist songs and rhetoric attempt to make light of sexual entrapment and the complete disregard of female voices and [...]

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I Repent: A Poem to my Non-Christian friends

By |2018-11-15T17:21:48+00:00November 15th, 2018|Forgiveness, Healing, Kindness, Poetry, Violence|

  Today I am coming out of the closet. No, I am not gay; I am a Christian. Now, be honest with yourself. When you hear me say those words, what comes to your mind?   Take a moment and listen to those inner voices.   Am I immediately anti-gay, [...]

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