My daughter begged us to go, but my face gave away my dread; she continued to plead until I got over myself and relented. She wanted to attend the father-daughter dance at the local Methodist church. I’m not the best dancer, sure, that comes with being a middle-aged dad who [...]
Healthy sex with your partner is not about practicing some new sex tip you saw on TikTok or a new performance strategy you researched while watching porn. Slow sex is a posture—an embodied humility that asks a man to finally show up in his fullness, not as a performer, [...]
Men are taught early on to categorize women. We do this unconsciously and instinctively, often forming this approach in adolescence. It’s part of the socialization of masculinity — a system that teaches boys to relate to women not as full humans but as utility and function, with the mindset, “what [...]
Men’s recovery groups matter. They give men a space to practice honesty, connection, and vulnerability — a place where deep shame and sorrow can finally be spoken aloud. As a therapist on the frontlines of men’s work for the past 15 years, I’ve seen how vital these circles can be. [...]
For many men, intimacy comes in only two flavors: sexual conquest or violent confrontation. We have been socialized, almost from birth, to face another man eye-to-eye only when we’re about to fight—or when we’re competing for dominance. The only time in our society where it is socially acceptable to [...]
Greg was a famous pastor, young and charismatic, a popular Christian author, and an influencer in my evangelical circles. Though I didn’t know him personally, I had heard his name often and appreciated his passionate work from afar. So, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw his name in our [...]
Sheila Gregoire recently posted this question on her social media, “ A guy is getting out of the Every Man's Battle mentality and truly trying to put porn & lust behind him. He's doing the work. He's seeing a counselor.The problem is that he still battles with lustful thoughts when [...]
The five senses are how humans perceive and interact with the world. Through pornography use, other unhealthy sexual practices, and the socialization of masculinity, we have become disembodied creatures. Returning to what makes us most alive (our five senses) will be the path toward liberation, wholeness, and integrity. Porn has [...]
It is vital, especially in the historical segregation of genders within Christian communities, to address and heal our gendered wounds, full-faced and fully storied. I will unpack what I mean by that. Growing up in the bible-belt at the height of the purity culture of the 90s, I was taught [...]
I don’t like that word—victory. It seems to communicate such finality, a destination rather than the bloody journey it takes to relearn how to relate non-pornographicly to the world. I have been sober for nearly 15 years now and still don’t feel victorious, much as I do, a survivor. I [...]
During my 13-year addiction to pornography and 20-year addiction to the objectification of women, I am wondering what my penis would have said if it had a voice? Strange, as it may sound, each of our body parts has a story to tell. Will you listen? Will you listen to [...]
“I have been in sin and need prayer” or “I have a problem with lust” are common confessions within the church context. Those with a bit more courage will at least admit that they are struggling with pornography or wandering thoughts about females. But even that has become so normative [...]
I remember when I was living fully into my compulsive sexual behaviors of pornography, fantasy, and masturbation, my brain always seeking its next high. Scanning rooms for cleavage, legs, butts, anything I could take and devour. Literally, not thinking about anyone else but me and my pleasure. The theme of [...]
A common question I get asked weekly is, “What do I do—I caught my teenage son looking at porn?” I intend to write the book, The Sexually Healthy Teen, but until then, let’s talk about some helpful categories to engage your teen after porn exposure. First, make sure your own [...]
The purity movement of the 90s created some odd sexual behaviors that we are still seeing play out 30 years later as those adolescents have become married adults attempting to have healthy sexual relationships. One of those sexual outcomes is that men (and many women) are proud that they “waited” [...]
Recently a pastor from Utah exposed his view of women and his pornographic mindset with his post on modesty, as he blamed women for his own propensity to sin and objectify their beauty. He wrote: I have had some compassion for him since 15 years ago I was that [...]
Fantasy is an effective tool of escape. It soothes wounds and calms the anxious heart. Yet, this commitment to escapism leads to a cowardice in facing our most wounded places and takes a serious toll on how we live and relate. Engagement with fantasy teaches us that relief is more [...]
One of the most difficult parts of this healing process of becoming a good and safe man is owning the fact that you have been abusive. So does that make you an abuser? Of course, it does. Yet, there is such stigma and shame around that word, it is difficult [...]
In 1955, Housekeeping Monthly published an article called, "The Good Wife's Guide," telling wive’s how to be a “good wife” to their husbands. This is the social norm that laid a foundation that our parents were born into and still permeates in the patriarchal, misogynistic air that we breathe. [...]
*Trigger Warning: Depression, Sexuality and Abuse It was the summer of ‘02, in my late teens, I was just coming out of my first full year of college after nearly flunking out; my life was crumbling all around me. A few weeks earlier, I had checked myself in and out [...]
