Sexuality in the Extremes: Shame vs. Shamelessness

By |2019-04-11T19:54:06+00:00April 11th, 2019|Addiction, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

“Getting off is getting off, it doesn’t matter how,” he said with a smirk. “I mean, I’m not gay, I just like busting a nut and don’t care how it happens.” My client’s crude demeanor was no surprise, considering his unwavering narcissism and complete shamelessness. I listened as he described [...]

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What If My Husband Is Using Porn?

By |2019-02-18T17:21:56+00:00February 18th, 2019|Addiction, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

It’s a question many women find themselves asking: What if I find out my husband is using porn? The chances are high that your husband has looked at pornography in the past, is currently using it, or will do so in the future. Barna Group’s research found that among Christian [...]

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Life After Porn: Reconstructing a Healthy Sexuality After Pornography

By |2019-02-05T20:28:36+00:00February 5th, 2019|Addiction, Grief, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Reader's Ask, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

Dear Andrew, Before marriage, I was a sex addict who slept with hundreds of women and struggled terribly with porn. Porn was a struggle in the beginning of our marriage as well, but over time I have learned how to remove it from my life. I have never cheated on [...]

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‘Tis the Season for Date Rape: A Modern Interpretation of a Christmas Classic

By |2018-12-05T20:08:05+00:00December 5th, 2018|Domestic Violence, Grief, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame, Violence|

Internalized sexism and patriarchy are deeply entrenched into American culture. Even the Christmas season is not immune from this plague. As we celebrate the baby Jesus’ courageous entry into our world, sexist songs and rhetoric attempt to make light of sexual entrapment and the complete disregard of female voices and [...]

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Porn & Domestic Violence: An Interview

By |2021-04-08T02:14:03+00:00October 29th, 2018|Addiction, Domestic Violence, Masculinity, Pornography, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Violence|

I recently did an interview with Northwest Family Life on the intersection of Pornography and Domestic Violence. I find this topic and conversation vital to the healing gender violence and healing masculine violence. If you are interested in this topic, please sign up for my online course What About the Men in [...]

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Clarifying Statement on Masturbation & What about Masturbation?

By |2022-01-14T15:15:43+00:00October 27th, 2018|Addiction, Healing, Pornography, Sexuality, Shame|

It has come to my attention that folks in the abuse/trauma recovery community have questioned my stance on masturbation and somehow have labeled me as the “pro-masturbation” guy and thus not correct in my view of “proper” recovery practices.   I have heard of folks not wanting to recommend my men’s [...]

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Pornocracy: How Pornography Has Shaped Church & Democracy

By |2018-10-30T01:17:42+00:00October 19th, 2018|Healing, Masculinity, News, Pornography, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

Recent events in the news regarding sexual assault have tapped deep into fears of men who believe they will be held accountable for horrific things they did as teenagers, and women who fear they will be questioned and interrogated about some of the most painful and confusing trauma in their [...]

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Hey, Men! Take Responsibility for Sexualizing Women

By |2020-01-30T23:27:21+00:00October 16th, 2018|Masculinity, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Violence|

One of the biggest ways men can begin to change the current trend of sexual assaults, sexual harassment, and the culture of sexualizing women is by taking responsibility for their past, current, and future failures of this kind. I know this is a big ask, yet it can be done. [...]

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Honest Misogynist Part 2

By |2019-01-15T20:31:39+00:00August 6th, 2018|Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Violence|

I am pleased to share a guest post today by my copy editor & writer, Rose Gwynn. This entry is in response to my Letter to an Objectified Woman, you will hear from a woman who is stuck in an abusive relationship with her objectifying man and the war within herself [...]

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#BecauseOfMe: From Abuser to Advocate

By |2018-03-23T00:49:52+00:00March 23rd, 2018|Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame, Violence|

Series #1 From Abuser to Advocate In record numbers women are courageously coming forward with their horrific tales of sexual abuse, harassment, assault, and violence. Wherever you turn, whether to Hollywood or Washington DC, rural areas or urban sprawl, violence and abuse have no central location; they are everywhere. The [...]

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Boys Exposed: How Porn Traumatizes

By |2018-01-31T02:13:47+00:00January 8th, 2018|Addiction, Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Violence|

I am pleased to have therapist Matt Morrisey be the first guest blogger on my website. You can follow Matt's work here https://www.mattmorrissey.org/. Matt focuses on the healing sexual & intimacy issues with men and boys and works with the Allender Center.    Boys Exposed: How Porn Traumatizes by Matt Morrisey [...]

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Sex 101: For Parents & Church Leaders

By |2021-04-29T16:13:27+00:00November 1st, 2017|Healing, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

 “Our sexuality affects everything we do, and everything affects our sexuality. The same is true of our spirituality -- that which is most deeply meaningful to us. We can deny both. But denying them does not mean they are not both alive in every breath and heartbeat of life.” ― Tina [...]

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A Message to Men: Part 1

By |2017-10-25T16:39:16+00:00October 25th, 2017|Healing, Masculinity, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame, Violence|

        With another bombshell revelation in the news this month, Harvey Weinstein has used his place of power and influence to use and abuse a countless number of women. The response has been powerful with millions of women sharing their heartbreaking courageous stories on social media with [...]

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The Pain Beneath the Porn

By |2017-10-09T19:54:10+00:00September 7th, 2017|Addiction, Healing, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

  Robert Masters writes in his phenomenal book “To Be a Man”, “What we do sexually is a reflection of what we're doing with the rest of our lives”. This statement is profoundly true, and so is its opposite. What we have done with our lives (or what has been [...]

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Pornography & Emotional Enmeshment

By |2017-09-07T20:02:07+00:00August 25th, 2017|Addiction, Healing, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

The pattern I often see when helping others process an unwanted relationship with pornography is a correlation between addiction and the propensity toward emotionally enmeshed relationships. Pornography teaches us to relate with emotional fusion and an inability to differentiate in a healthy way (this is another aspect of PSR). This [...]

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I, Andrew, take you, Porn, to be my wife

By |2019-04-22T16:16:11+00:00August 3rd, 2017|Addiction, Pornography, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality|

     Pornography use is not merely dependence but intimate relationship. Giving up pornography is not like learning to eat less chocolate, or going to the gym more often, it's more like betraying a lover who you have been committed to your entire adolescent and adult life. Not only a [...]

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My Love & Hate for Women: a recovering sex addict’s ambivalence with femininity

By |2017-07-26T00:47:50+00:00July 13th, 2017|Addiction, Healing, Pornography, Relationships, Sexuality|

I love women and I hate them. I need a woman close by to survive yet I can’t have a woman too close. If she gets too close, I will either self-destruct or annihilate her in a variety of socially acceptable, manipulative, systemic ways, like a brain surgeon using a [...]

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The Idolatry of Sex: When Sex is God & God is Sex 

By |2022-02-10T15:24:51+00:00June 21st, 2017|Addiction, Healing, Pornography, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Violence|

The Idolatry of Sex: When Sex is God & God is Sex  By: Andrew J. Bauman      The category of idolatry rarely comes up when working through sexual brokenness. Yet it seems to be one of the most important categories to engage when attempting to unwind the tangles of [...]

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