Pornography Saved Your Life By Matt Mulder

By |2020-01-09T18:01:20+00:00January 9th, 2020|Addiction, Forgiveness, Kindness, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

I am pleased to host a guest post today by therapist Matt Mulder. Until you can name the goodness of what your addiction gave/gives you, you cannot let go of its devastating cycles. I asked her when she first started looking at pornography. She looked up at me with a [...]

Comments Off on Pornography Saved Your Life By Matt Mulder

Grieving a Lost Self

By |2019-12-04T16:53:03+00:00December 4th, 2019|Death, Death, Fatherlessness, Glory, God, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Loss, Marriage, Masculinity, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Sexuality, Shame|

I knew what had to be done; now I had to convince my body to carry out what my mind was telling me. It was about 9:00 p.m. when I reluctantly began gathering my belongings. I opened my pack and began filling it with my sleeping bag, a lighter, a [...]

Comments Off on Grieving a Lost Self

Liberation From Sex Addiction? By Stephen Grant

By |2019-11-14T17:13:18+00:00November 14th, 2019|Addiction, Healing, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

Pleased to have a guest post by counselor Stephen Grant today on the blog. Read his bio and check out his work below.  As I walked up the outside stairs to the church’s classroom I couldn’t believe it was really happening. I was a dead man walking. Life as I [...]

Comments Off on Liberation From Sex Addiction? By Stephen Grant

I Roll Back: A Poem for the Abused

By |2019-10-31T15:52:43+00:00October 31st, 2019|Domestic Violence, Healing, Marriage, Poetry, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Shame, Violence|

I am a bowling ball  heavy with holes,  unwilling to be used by you any longer.  You finger me at your will then Throw me away again and again,  and again.  I have become hard to survive; your grip is squeezing the life from me You toss me away, send [...]

Comments Off on I Roll Back: A Poem for the Abused

I Carry You With Me, Everywhere. 

By |2019-10-29T20:52:53+00:00October 29th, 2019|Addiction, Fatherlessness, Glory, Grief, Healing, Masculinity, Poetry, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Shame|

I carry you with me, everywhere.  The lines of my hands resemble yours.  The wrinkles beginning to form on my face bear a time when you used to smile. I see you in my crooked nose;  it looks a lot like your integrity. These types of recognitions stun me on [...]

Comments Off on I Carry You With Me, Everywhere. 

Help! My Ex is Screwing Up my Kids

By |2019-09-27T16:10:58+00:00September 27th, 2019|Addiction, Domestic Violence, Glory, Grief, Marriage, Reader's Ask, Relationships|

Reader's Ask Andrew, My 20-year marriage ended in a rapid divorce last year. We share three children ages 9, 6, and 3. As a pastor's kid, I was steeped in patriarchy and lots of chaos in a dysfunctional family that over-spiritualized life and moralized disagreements to perpetuate enmeshment. I married [...]

Comments Off on Help! My Ex is Screwing Up my Kids

The Log & The Speck: In Light of Contempt 

By |2019-09-23T01:02:48+00:00September 23rd, 2019|God, Grief, Healing, Marriage, Relationships|

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your spouse’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your spouse, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your [...]

Comments Off on The Log & The Speck: In Light of Contempt 

Hello, Good Penis: The Practice of Blessing Our Genitals

By |2019-09-10T19:18:59+00:00September 10th, 2019|Addiction, Healing, Kindness, Marriage, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

Our genitals are good.  They were made for giving and receiving pleasure, new life, and experiencing radical divine joy.  Many times our sexual organs get a bad rap. Sometimes we feel they have betrayed us. This happens often in the context of sexual abuse. Many victims of sexual abuse experience [...]

Comments Off on Hello, Good Penis: The Practice of Blessing Our Genitals

The Savior & The Goat: A Relational Theory

By |2019-09-03T17:30:38+00:00September 3rd, 2019|Forgiveness, Healing, Kindness, Marriage, Relationships, Shame|

A common theme in marriage is a relational dynamic I call “the Savior & the Goat”. Typical Saviors and Goats are initially attracted to each other because of function; each person serves an unconscious role of utility and psychological soothing. For example, if I have a high level of self-contempt [...]

Comments Off on The Savior & The Goat: A Relational Theory

Face to Face with a Dying God: Engaging Beauty & Arousal

By |2019-08-27T18:18:44+00:00August 26th, 2019|Addiction, Anxiety, Domestic Violence, Healing, Kindness, Loss, Marriage, Masculinity, Pornography, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame|

 I was attending a professional training group to improve my therapeutic skills when I was brought face to face with deep, lingering fear and shame around my past treatment of women and idolatry of beauty.   One of the exercises we were asked to do was to pair up with another [...]

Comments Off on Face to Face with a Dying God: Engaging Beauty & Arousal

My Testimony is Better Than Yours

By |2019-09-09T16:28:39+00:00July 3rd, 2019|Calling, Church, Death, Glory, Healing, Kindness, Relationships, Shame|

We Christians love a good story. We know that stories are powerful, and sometimes we get caught up in the craving for that power.  I've told my life's story hundreds of times. In fact, when I was a pastor, I was applauded time and time again for the “power” of [...]

Comments Off on My Testimony is Better Than Yours

The Voice of Sons

By |2019-06-10T20:57:09+00:00June 10th, 2019|Anxiety, Calling, Fatherlessness, Forgiveness, Healing, Kindness, Loss, Masculinity, Poetry, Relationships, Shame|

We cry out for attachment through our excessive violence, our lack of school attendance, the amount of women we seduce, and few understand why we act out. In just three decades, the number of boys living without their biological fathers has doubled. Fifty percent of American children tonight will go [...]

Comments Off on The Voice of Sons
Load More Posts