Men are taught early on to categorize women. We do this unconsciously and instinctively, often forming this approach in adolescence. It’s part of the socialization of masculinity — a system that teaches boys to relate to women not as full humans but as utility and function, with the mindset, “what [...]
They said, submit, sister, your strength is a sin. Kneel at the altar of his headship, let his voice lead, ignore your intuition. Her body, a temple, they claimed, but not her own. Every word of hers, a stone cast, while his lies built a throne. You are Jezebel incarnate, [...]
Greg was a famous pastor, young and charismatic, a popular Christian author, and an influencer in my evangelical circles. Though I didn’t know him personally, I had heard his name often and appreciated his passionate work from afar. So, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw his name in our [...]
It is vital, especially in the historical segregation of genders within Christian communities, to address and heal our gendered wounds, full-faced and fully storied. I will unpack what I mean by that. Growing up in the bible-belt at the height of the purity culture of the 90s, I was taught [...]
CBE (Christian for Biblical Equality) International has become my go-to place for academic study on my latest book Safe Church: How to Guard Against Sexism & Abuse in Christian Community and I wanted to highlight their vital work on my blog today, by posting their statement on “Men, Women, and [...]
Illustration by Raquel Aparicio A common abusive tactic that can be used by those in positions of spiritual authority is what I call, “weaponizing forgiveness”. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, that can be vital to your own healing and liberation, yet it must be understood more fully, rather than used [...]
I don’t like that word—victory. It seems to communicate such finality, a destination rather than the bloody journey it takes to relearn how to relate non-pornographicly to the world. I have been sober for nearly 15 years now and still don’t feel victorious, much as I do, a survivor. I [...]
Abuse in the Protestant Church is a serious concern that has caused immense pain and suffering for so many, especially women. I have spent the last year of my life listening to women’s stories for my dissertation and my newest book project called, The Elephant in the Church: What Women [...]
Though the words egalitarian and complementarian never appear in the Bible, the ideals espoused in both theologies have resulted in frequent debate among evangelicals (Giles, 2020). The debate centers around a difference of interpretation of the biblical text regarding gender roles and submission (Roat, 2019). “In many ways, the debate [...]
I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like [...]
“I am sorry.” “I am SO sorry.” “SORRY!” “No, listen, I am REALLY, REALLY sorry.” “Forgive me?” “My bad.” “My apologies.” When these attempts at an apology don’t get through to the partner we have harmed many times we try self-contempt. “Okay, I suck.” “I am such an idiot.” As [...]
One of the most difficult parts of this healing process of becoming a good and safe man is owning the fact that you have been abusive. So does that make you an abuser? Of course, it does. Yet, there is such stigma and shame around that word, it is difficult [...]
*Trigger Warning for those women who have been spiritually abused I am convinced scripture is meant to be a scalpel that facilitates healing and leads us into the painful holy act of repentance and transformation. Yet often scripture can resemble a crowbar. Looking to pound, shame, and control those who [...]
It’s rare, but it happens. Abusive men can heal. But by rare, I mean the data is abysmal. Becoming safe and doing the work of healing only happens among roughly 1 in 10 abusive men. Your abusive husband can heal when, and only when, he fully faces the depth of [...]
I am proud to feature the work of Dr. Nancy Murphy on my blog today. Dr. Murphy is a professor, former Executive director of Northwest Family Life, and created Speaking Up online course to help educate churches in navigating issues of Domestic Violence. She has been my teacher and supervisor [...]
As I observe the state of our nation, I am increasingly concerned, especially with the state of the faith community at large. Many folks call the U.S. a Christian nation, and yet, in practice, we are anything but. While we increase our spending on military machines, we not only don’t [...]
We Christians love a good story. We know that stories are powerful, and sometimes we get caught up in the craving for that power. I've told my life's story hundreds of times. In fact, when I was a pastor, I was applauded time and time again for the “power” of [...]
