My daughter begged us to go, but my face gave away my dread; she continued to plead until I got over myself and relented. She wanted to attend the father-daughter dance at the local Methodist church. I’m not the best dancer, sure, that comes with being a middle-aged dad who [...]
Most men were never taught how to be men. We were taught how to perform and achieve. How to suppress our emotions. How to dominate and control. But we were not taught: How to repair after we hurt someone. How to feel without shutting down. How to handle sexual desire [...]
“I have been in therapy for decades. I know this stuff, but I still haven’t changed.” People come into my office after years of talk therapy, most with positive experiences, but something is still missing. Most can name their trauma clearly, they understand their family of origin and how the [...]
Honored to be with my mom today, every moment holy. It’s a gift to say goodbye in this way. This will be the 7th day in a row I am getting to sit with her and visit. Part of me hates this; the other part of me wouldn’t want to [...]
Healthy sex with your partner is not about practicing some new sex tip you saw on TikTok or a new performance strategy you researched while watching porn. Slow sex is a posture—an embodied humility that asks a man to finally show up in his fullness, not as a performer, [...]
Men are taught early on to categorize women. We do this unconsciously and instinctively, often forming this approach in adolescence. It’s part of the socialization of masculinity — a system that teaches boys to relate to women not as full humans but as utility and function, with the mindset, “what [...]
Men’s recovery groups matter. They give men a space to practice honesty, connection, and vulnerability — a place where deep shame and sorrow can finally be spoken aloud. As a therapist on the frontlines of men’s work for the past 15 years, I’ve seen how vital these circles can be. [...]
“Well, I don’t want to be just like Jesus because he is dead,” my 5-year-old son blurted out one morning on the way to school. His deadpan delivery startled me. My theological brain wanted to jump in about resurrection and eternal life, but he had named something profound: We want [...]
For many men, intimacy comes in only two flavors: sexual conquest or violent confrontation. We have been socialized, almost from birth, to face another man eye-to-eye only when we’re about to fight—or when we’re competing for dominance. The only time in our society where it is socially acceptable to [...]
“In the one-up, one-down world of men, there’s no place for 'same as,' and hence no platform for real intimacy. You’re either a winner or loser: dominator or dominated, grandiose or shame-filled. And you can’t be truly intimate from either the one-down (shame-filled) or the one-up (grandiose) position.” - [...]
They said, submit, sister, your strength is a sin. Kneel at the altar of his headship, let his voice lead, ignore your intuition. Her body, a temple, they claimed, but not her own. Every word of hers, a stone cast, while his lies built a throne. You are Jezebel incarnate, [...]
Greg was a famous pastor, young and charismatic, a popular Christian author, and an influencer in my evangelical circles. Though I didn’t know him personally, I had heard his name often and appreciated his passionate work from afar. So, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw his name in our [...]
In the early 80s, Therapist Pia Mellody created a helpful model to help understand trauma and treat the issues that came from it. She called this model the “Developmental Model of Immaturity.” Fast forward another decade or so, therapist and author Terry Real developed Relational Life Therapy (RLT), built on [...]
