My Mother’s Fourth Year of Dementia

By |2023-07-20T20:14:24+00:00July 20th, 2023|Death, God, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Loss|

Being around Alzheimer’s/dementia feels like being around death. My mom is void of herself—a shell of a human still trying to be polite, hospitable—yet she is gone. She is no longer the woman who raised me. I have noticed this week, being around her, that I too feel gone. As [...]

Comments Off on My Mother’s Fourth Year of Dementia

The Plight of Male Disembodiment 

By |2023-05-26T12:51:26+00:00May 26th, 2023|Domestic Violence, God, Kindness, Masculinity, patriarchy, Relationships, Shame, Violence, women|

I am honored to feature my wife, Dr. Christy Bauman, and her essay below. You can find her work https://christybauman.com/ and www.ChristianCC.org and follow her on Instagram.  My story is that I grew up with a father who is a sex addict. While he never touched me, his sexual unhealthiness [...]

Comments Off on The Plight of Male Disembodiment 

Marriage, No Matter What!? An Ideology of Idolatry

By |2023-01-13T19:35:12+00:00January 13th, 2023|Addiction, Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence, God, Healing, Kindness, Loss, Marriage, patriarchy, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, women|

One way to retraumatize and groom a victim of abuse is the promotion of the “marriage, no matter what” ideology which is common for women coming out of Christian abuse-affirming churches. The damaging “marriage, no matter what” ideology is a salvation fantasy and a form of idolatry that must be [...]

Comments Off on Marriage, No Matter What!? An Ideology of Idolatry

Abuse in the Protestant Church

By |2022-12-14T12:51:46+00:00December 14th, 2022|Church, Domestic Violence, God, Healing, Loss, Sexism, Sexual Abuse|

Abuse in the Protestant Church is a serious concern that has caused immense pain and suffering for so many, especially women. I have spent the last year of my life listening to women’s stories for my dissertation and my newest book project called, The Elephant in the Church: What Women [...]

Comments Off on Abuse in the Protestant Church

Watching My Mother Die

By |2022-08-29T14:00:02+00:00August 29th, 2022|Death, Glory, God, Grief, Relationships, Writings|

Watching my mom die in such a gruesome way has been agonizing. You see, it’s not your typical tragic ending. It’s not like the horrific cancer that stole my sister-in-law Julie so quickly, or the unknown reason my father passed away after routine outpatient surgery, or the haunting suicide which [...]

Comments Off on Watching My Mother Die

No, Sorry, You’re Not a Virgin: Untangling Porn & Purity 

By |2022-05-13T13:00:24+00:00May 13th, 2022|Addiction, Domestic Violence, God, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Masculinity, patriarchy, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Shame, women|

The purity movement of the 90s created some odd sexual behaviors that we are still seeing play out 30 years later as those adolescents have become married adults attempting to have healthy sexual relationships. One of those sexual outcomes is that men (and many women) are proud that they “waited” [...]

Comments Off on No, Sorry, You’re Not a Virgin: Untangling Porn & Purity 

Egalitarianism vs. Complementarianism: What about Submission?

By |2021-12-26T03:20:37+00:00November 10th, 2021|Church, Domestic Violence, God, Healing, Marriage, Masculinity, patriarchy, Relationships, Sexism, women|

Though the words egalitarian and complementarian never appear in the Bible, the ideals espoused in both theologies have resulted in frequent debate among evangelicals (Giles, 2020). The debate centers around a difference of interpretation of the biblical text regarding gender roles and submission (Roat, 2019). “In many ways, the debate [...]

Comments Off on Egalitarianism vs. Complementarianism: What about Submission?

Redeeming Power: Reclaiming Authentic Masculinity

By |2021-09-09T18:05:13+00:00September 9th, 2021|Death, Domestic Violence, Fatherlessness, Glory, God, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Loss, Masculinity, patriarchy, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Violence|

The answer to becoming a safe and good man is not becoming weaker (humble, yes—weak, no); it's about becoming more powerful (not aggressive). However, stepping into authentic masculine power can seem like an oxymoron that conjures up images of the Marlboro man, or thoughts of violence, homophobia, misogyny, money, and [...]

Comments Off on Redeeming Power: Reclaiming Authentic Masculinity

Welcome Home, Grief.

By |2020-10-05T16:12:18+00:00October 5th, 2020|Death, God, Grief, Healing, Shame|

Hello, Grief. Come into my house; make yourself comfortable. I trust you, as you are a relentless yet steady companion.  Come to the table. Yes, my friend, you are invited to eat. You may have the seat of honor, for though I do not love you, I respect you.  I [...]

Comments Off on Welcome Home, Grief.

When God Played Tennis

By |2020-04-17T04:22:03+00:00April 16th, 2020|Glory, God, Poetry, Poetry|

God wasn’t that good, but he loved the game.  He loved the smell of felt, whacking the ball as hard as he could into the back cobblestone fence, even enjoying a little smack talk with Simon Peter, as God knew exactly how to get into his head.  What God liked [...]

Comments Off on When God Played Tennis

God’s Creation: Informing the Beauty of Who We Are

By |2020-05-12T05:14:34+00:00March 25th, 2020|Calling, God, Masculinity, Nature, Wilderness, Wildness|

For over 30 years, I’ve been drawing the same image. It's a large oak tree, some green grass, a few shadowy mountains in the background with a vast sky, a few puffy clouds and a bright yellow sun in the upper left corner. (I drew it for you, I’m no [...]

Comments Off on God’s Creation: Informing the Beauty of Who We Are

Sexualizing Sorrow: How Trauma Informs Our Sexual Brokenness

By |2020-12-07T18:46:34+00:00March 11th, 2020|Addiction, Glory, God, Grief, Healing, Loss, Marriage, Masculinity, patriarchy, Pornography, Relationships, Sexism, Sexuality, Shame|

This is an excerpt from my book, The Sexually Healthy Man For us to break free from our unwanted compulsive behaviors, we must have the courage to delve deeper into our woundedness and explore what lies beneath it. We must begin to kindly yet decisively cut out the roots of [...]

Comments Off on Sexualizing Sorrow: How Trauma Informs Our Sexual Brokenness

If I Were an Abuser, What Church Would I Want to Attend?

By |2022-08-07T10:33:34+00:00March 9th, 2020|Addiction, Church, Domestic Violence, Forgiveness, God, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Marriage, patriarchy, Relationships, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Shame, Violence|

I am proud to feature the work of Dr. Nancy Murphy on my blog today. Dr. Murphy is a professor, former Executive director of Northwest Family Life, and created Speaking Up online course to help educate churches in navigating issues of Domestic Violence. She has been my teacher and supervisor [...]

Comments Off on If I Were an Abuser, What Church Would I Want to Attend?

Vocation & Calling: Musings on discerning direction and purpose

By |2020-01-16T18:05:53+00:00January 16th, 2020|Calling, Glory, God, Healing, Kindness, Vocation|

The romanticized idea of continued schooling/training or of stepping out into a career often clash with the stark truth. The first can mean strained finances, relationships, and pulling all-nighters, while the second could look like a nine-to-five, consistent income, and vacation time. Each is hard in different ways. Very hard. [...]

Comments Off on Vocation & Calling: Musings on discerning direction and purpose

Grieving a Lost Self

By |2019-12-04T16:53:03+00:00December 4th, 2019|Death, Death, Fatherlessness, Glory, God, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Loss, Marriage, Masculinity, Relationships, Self-Contempt, Sexuality, Shame|

I knew what had to be done; now I had to convince my body to carry out what my mind was telling me. It was about 9:00 p.m. when I reluctantly began gathering my belongings. I opened my pack and began filling it with my sleeping bag, a lighter, a [...]

Comments Off on Grieving a Lost Self

The Log & The Speck: In Light of Contempt 

By |2019-09-23T01:02:48+00:00September 23rd, 2019|God, Grief, Healing, Marriage, Relationships|

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your spouse’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your spouse, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your [...]

Comments Off on The Log & The Speck: In Light of Contempt 
Go to Top