A common theme in marriage is a relational dynamic I call “the Savior & the Goat”. Typical Saviors and Goats are initially attracted to each other because of function; each person serves an unconscious role of utility and psychological soothing. For example, if I have a high level of self-contempt [...]
I was attending a professional training group to improve my therapeutic skills when I was brought face to face with deep, lingering fear and shame around my past treatment of women and idolatry of beauty. One of the exercises we were asked to do was to pair up with another [...]
Below is a note from a concerned mother about her and her child's traumatic experience with pornography. We have chosen to protect the identity of the child and the family. Yet this letter is a gift for many of us to learn from as we continue the fight against the [...]
Some of the most committed Christians I know have suffered the heartbreak of a divorce. Each story is different, each heartache unique. Some are the result of infidelity and betrayal or covert abuse. Other times, contempt extends so deeply over the years that the other begins to look more [...]
I carefully make my way to the edge, there I find her. My Delight. She is timid at first, not knowing if she can trust my approach. You see, I have been a stranger, Lacking the courage to pursue. I am afraid of what she will require of me. I [...]
We Christians love a good story. We know that stories are powerful, and sometimes we get caught up in the craving for that power. I've told my life's story hundreds of times. In fact, when I was a pastor, I was applauded time and time again for the “power” of [...]
We cry out for attachment through our excessive violence, our lack of school attendance, the amount of women we seduce, and few understand why we act out. In just three decades, the number of boys living without their biological fathers has doubled. Fifty percent of American children tonight will go [...]
One exercise I do often with clients is have them begin to tell the truth to their parents. This is not an attempt to blame their parents for all their current problems, but rather to reclaim a lost voice. We often relate to our parents the same way [...]
Come home, heart. Though you frighten me, I am ready for you to come out of hiding. I now know you are good, tender, and strong. I am secure enough to accept you, now. In the past I have grievously abused you. I mistook your softness, tore your sensitivity to [...]
Here is Part 3 of this continued series of letters both to and from an honest misogynist. May it stir your heart to action against violence. This piece was written in collaboration with Rose Gwynn. Part 1 Part 2 Dear Honest Misogynist, What a journey this has been. I have learned [...]
One thing I have always struggled with is learning how to fight clean. In my family of origin, we won arguments by any means necessary: belittling, demeaning, and making the other person feel as small and as insignificant as possible in order to gain the upper hand. If that sounds [...]
Today I am coming out of the closet. No, I am not gay; I am a Christian. Now, be honest with yourself. When you hear me say those words, what comes to your mind? Take a moment and listen to those inner voices. Am I immediately anti-gay, [...]
Dear Therapist, May this prayer bless and sustain your heart, tender warrior. "Lord, come into this Holy Space. May my ears be open, my hands soft, and my eyes ever so kind. May I speak truth that disrupts, kindness in a way that mends. May I have the courage [...]
The Courage of Kindness Excerpt from Stumbling toward Wholeness by Andrew J. Bauman “I am so tired of waiting, Aren’t you, For the world to become good And beautiful and kind?” -LANGSTON HUGHES Only after a decade of walking through my own healing process and having the sacred privilege [...]
