Robert Masters writes in his phenomenal book “To Be a Man”, “What we do sexually is a reflection of what we're doing with the rest of our lives”. This statement is profoundly true, and so is its opposite. What we have done with our lives (or what has been [...]
The pattern I often see when helping others process an unwanted relationship with pornography is a correlation between addiction and the propensity toward emotionally enmeshed relationships. Pornography teaches us to relate with emotional fusion and an inability to differentiate in a healthy way (this is another aspect of PSR). This [...]
Pornography use is not merely dependence but intimate relationship. Giving up pornography is not like learning to eat less chocolate, or going to the gym more often, it's more like betraying a lover who you have been committed to your entire adolescent and adult life. Not only a [...]
I love women and I hate them. I need a woman close by to survive yet I can’t have a woman too close. If she gets too close, I will either self-destruct or annihilate her in a variety of socially acceptable, manipulative, systemic ways, like a brain surgeon using a [...]
When forgiveness is preached it feels so simple, so easy, yet there is nothing simply easy about it. Forgiveness well sort of sucks. I have heard this word so much growing up in church, it has become nauseating (probably why I avoided writing this for so long). Forgiveness is one [...]
A Poem for those of us with Anxiety By: Andrew J. Bauman At ease dear one. With the weight of the world on your shoulders, and the weight of your shoulders on the world, At ease. At ease strong one. With your mind running circles around those circles, Choking thought, [...]
The Idolatry of Sex: When Sex is God & God is Sex By: Andrew J. Bauman The category of idolatry rarely comes up when working through sexual brokenness. Yet it seems to be one of the most important categories to engage when attempting to unwind the tangles of [...]
The Onslaught of Contempt By: Andrew J. Bauman It was strange that our previous babysitter had blocked me on Facebook. What did I do? Had I offended her in some way? I was anxious as I approached her. “Jess is everything okay with us? I noticed you had blocked [...]
A Brave Lament: a short film of life & death We are currently raising funds to complete our new film and book project. Please consider donating and sharing with your networks. During our grieving process, we realized authentic Christian resources were rare and lacking depth and emotional integrity. We wanted [...]
I remember the walls... The cold white lonesome walls that mirrored my image with perfection. Starring into my face I saw a colorless, chipped, lifeless wall echoing my future loudly. I remember this moment like it was tomorrow though it has been 13 years since I admitted myself into [...]
Inviting Pain & Welcoming Grief: how do you want to die? Grief requires us to acknowledge and surrender to our throbbing, it is easy to have contempt for this reality and deny its invitation into our lives. I would argue for grief’s essential role in our lives as the 16th-century [...]
My sweet sister-in-law Julie Mcgill Bauman died today one year ago. I remember holding her hand laying by her bedside while she was on life support. When they pulled the plug I couldn’t bear watching. I had to step away and lay down, I couldn’t see her hurting. But today [...]
Gun Reform VS. Self-Reform Engaging Violence within & without By Andrew J. Bauman “He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they [...]
Self- Contempt as Addiction: "Hello my name is Andrew and I hate myself" By Andrew Bauman “And God said “Love Your Enemy,” and I obeyed him and loved myself.” ― Kahlil Gibran, The Broken Wings “Every addiction is an attempt to slay hope” - Dan Allender The word addiction [...]
I wrote the poem below during a dark season of anguish and yearning for people to hold my broken heart responsibly. Most times noble hearted people with good intentions can be the most careless with a fragile, inconsolable heart. But we must continue to have the courage to invite our [...]
We had another miscarriage two weeks ago. Our beautiful baby was 14 weeks old. I have battled going in and out of numbness the past couple of weeks. Shock and cruelty are the only words that linger. Evil and suffering do not seem to let up. A constant attack on [...]
I have been doing work on my own history of misogyny and the abuse that many women suffer daily under a man's unaddressed brokenness. Here I try to describe what is going through a man's psyche as he unconsciously uses a woman to mend his own wounded heart. Dear [...]
Our Glory & Our Depravity engaging the good & bad of what makes us most human By Andrew J. Bauman I tell my son often, “There are no such things as bad guys, just people with difficult stories.” He normally responds with a puzzled look and then continues on [...]
What does it mean to love someone without being emotionally enmeshed? How can we be solid within our own true self without other people's decisions completely shaking our foundation? Here I discuss the concept of differentiation and how it impacts relationship. The Differentiated Self: creating healthy relationship Andrew J. Bauman [...]
I wrote this poem as a way to process my own masculine journey. There was a war inside me fighting for supremacy. A war between my inner child and the aggressive man I was becoming. I needed to give voice to this war in my head, and to the battle [...]
