Society, church, and family have all taught us messages of what masculinity is supposed to be (blog here) and who we are to become. Out of these messages, we make certain vows and choose which type of masculinity to embody. Below are four common categories of masculinity that you may [...]
What were the messages you received about being a man growing up? These are some of the common misconceptions about masculinity we were taught as children. These messages came from our parents, our schools, our churches, and society as a whole. They shaped our view of ourselves without us even [...]
Sheila Gregoire recently posted this question on her social media, “ A guy is getting out of the Every Man's Battle mentality and truly trying to put porn & lust behind him. He's doing the work. He's seeing a counselor.The problem is that he still battles with lustful thoughts when [...]
The five senses are how humans perceive and interact with the world. Through pornography use, other unhealthy sexual practices, and the socialization of masculinity, we have become disembodied creatures. Returning to what makes us most alive (our five senses) will be the path toward liberation, wholeness, and integrity. Porn has [...]
If you are a man struggling to remain humble as you and your spouse heal from your destructive behaviors, here is a centering prayer to help you recover and stay rooted in your true self. Loving God, I come before You broken, Acknowledging the pain I have caused, The abuse [...]
It is vital, especially in the historical segregation of genders within Christian communities, to address and heal our gendered wounds, full-faced and fully storied. I will unpack what I mean by that. Growing up in the bible-belt at the height of the purity culture of the 90s, I was taught [...]
Inviting people into their suffering is part of my job description. Yet folks don’t come to see me unless they are already in a great deal of pain. Many times, their suffering is because of what someone did to them without their consent, and other times, their misery is [...]
It’s not what you say is what you believe, it’s how you live that is most true of you. I often counsel women by saying, “We no longer believe his words, but only his life.” So many men will say they “dabble” in porn? Sorry, there is no such thing [...]
Welcome to the Narcissistic Bible. This work is an audacious celebration of self, a guidebook for those who dare to place themselves at the center of their universe instead of God. This book dares to assert that self-centeredness and self-importance are acceptable and essential in a world where selflessness is [...]
Let me be candid with you, many men who say they're on this journey of transformation and change are, well, frankly, full of ofσκύβαλα aka skubala (this is the Greek word for shit, dung, fecal matter, decayed waste made famous by the Apostle Paul which he used in his [...]
“It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality.” - Virginia Woolf If you have been using pornography and fantasy for any length of time, it has seeped into your brain (Pornographic Mindset) and into your very being (Pornographic Style of Relating). Since you have used porn [...]
There is an ongoing debate within the subculture of sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma circles that I would like to address. Is my husband’s betrayal of me a choice, or is it because of his unaddressed wounds and trauma? Indeed, there are lines drawn in the sand here; sides [...]
Illustration by Raquel Aparicio A common abusive tactic that can be used by those in positions of spiritual authority is what I call, “weaponizing forgiveness”. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, that can be vital to your own healing and liberation, yet it must be understood more fully, rather than used [...]
Father's Day is such a strange day for me. A day full of hope for the future, contentment for the present, and grief for the past. I don't think my desire to be fathered will ever fully go away. I both hate that and have come to love it, as [...]
I am honored to feature my wife, Dr. Christy Bauman, and her essay below. You can find her work https://christybauman.com/ and www.ChristianCC.org and follow her on Instagram. My story is that I grew up with a father who is a sex addict. While he never touched me, his sexual unhealthiness [...]
A kind of second childhood falls on so many men. —John Steinbeck This quote from Steinbeck makes so much sense to me. As I walk alongside men in recovery from deceptive sexuality and abuse this second childhood is very real. Many grown men from their 20s through 80s walk [...]
One way to retraumatize and groom a victim of abuse is the promotion of the “marriage, no matter what” ideology which is common for women coming out of Christian abuse-affirming churches. The damaging “marriage, no matter what” ideology is a salvation fantasy and a form of idolatry that must be [...]
During my 13-year addiction to pornography and 20-year addiction to the objectification of women, I am wondering what my penis would have said if it had a voice? Strange, as it may sound, each of our body parts has a story to tell. Will you listen? Will you listen to [...]
“I have been in sin and need prayer” or “I have a problem with lust” are common confessions within the church context. Those with a bit more courage will at least admit that they are struggling with pornography or wandering thoughts about females. But even that has become so normative [...]
I remember when I was living fully into my compulsive sexual behaviors of pornography, fantasy, and masturbation, my brain always seeking its next high. Scanning rooms for cleavage, legs, butts, anything I could take and devour. Literally, not thinking about anyone else but me and my pleasure. The theme of [...]
