One thing I have always struggled with is learning how to fight clean. In my family of origin, we won arguments by any means necessary: belittling, demeaning, and making the other person feel as small and as insignificant as possible in order to gain the upper hand. If that sounds [...]
Today I am coming out of the closet. No, I am not gay; I am a Christian. Now, be honest with yourself. When you hear me say those words, what comes to your mind? Take a moment and listen to those inner voices. Am I immediately anti-gay, [...]
In stillness you, come. The quiet hits and you tear my pieces to more pieces, you mend my wounds with more wounds. Oh God of the still. Here I breathe in My constant headache loosens. You become tangible again. Someone, I taste and hold, yes, I smell you. I [...]
Her poster hung from my dorm room wall. She was a model; tall, blonde, slender, attractive. I went out of my way to tell guys who visited my dorm room, “Look who I date when I’m at home”. I stood tall, proud of being the subject of envy from [...]
It has come to my attention that folks in the abuse/trauma recovery community have questioned my stance on masturbation and somehow have labeled me as the “pro-masturbation” guy and thus not correct in my view of “proper” recovery practices. I have heard of folks not wanting to recommend my men’s [...]
Recent events in the news regarding sexual assault have tapped deep into fears of men who believe they will be held accountable for horrific things they did as teenagers, and women who fear they will be questioned and interrogated about some of the most painful and confusing trauma in their [...]
©Andrew Bauman 2017 all rights reserved Above is what I call the healthy relationship indicator. It can be used as a measurement tool for therapists to measure couple’s relational connectivity in a variety of places of intimacy. It can also be used to self rate to see where you [...]
I am pleased to share a guest post today by my copy editor & writer, Rose Gwynn. This entry is in response to my Letter to an Objectified Woman, you will hear from a woman who is stuck in an abusive relationship with her objectifying man and the war within herself [...]
Women were less than. No one would have said that out loud, but growing up in my white evangelical utopia deep in the South, we all knew it was true: men ruled the world. My presidents: always men, my pastors: always men. Most CEOs, elected officials, and anyone I [...]
Oh my River boy. You surprised us, son. 5 weeks early, narrowly escaping death, you, my son, are fearless. And what a terrifying gift you are. Your mother and I simultaneously wept and held our breath awaiting your first cry. And cry you did! It was loud, a voice of [...]
I am pleased to have therapist Matt Morrisey be the first guest blogger on my website. You can follow Matt's work here https://www.mattmorrissey.org/. Matt focuses on the healing sexual & intimacy issues with men and boys and works with the Allender Center. Boys Exposed: How Porn Traumatizes by Matt Morrisey [...]
excerpt from A Brave Lament Book ©abravelament 2017 all rights reserved It is so hard to think of his sweet body in the ground, many days I have to convince my hands not to dig him back up, even for a moment, just one more moment to hold him. These [...]
“Our sexuality affects everything we do, and everything affects our sexuality. The same is true of our spirituality -- that which is most deeply meaningful to us. We can deny both. But denying them does not mean they are not both alive in every breath and heartbeat of life.” ― Tina [...]
Pictures tell stories, both told and untold. This photo tells thousands. There are years I go without looking into its glory, but it always whispers back for my return. At times it is just too painful to peer into. Though nearly 30 years have passed since it was taken, there [...]
With another bombshell revelation in the news this month, Harvey Weinstein has used his place of power and influence to use and abuse a countless number of women. The response has been powerful with millions of women sharing their heartbreaking courageous stories on social media with [...]
©Andrew Bauman 2017 all rights reserved As you are attempting to step into your vocation and meaningful life’s work you must consider the graph above, what I call the “Cycle of Calling”. The first step to knowing what you are meant to [...]
This past week I spent in Ashland, OR at the Masters Center for Transformation, facilitated by Dr. Robert Masters (http://robertmasters.com/) . It was some of the deepest psychospiritual healing work I have ever done in my life. I laughed, I yelled, I moaned, I sang, I mourned, I grieved, and [...]
Robert Masters writes in his phenomenal book “To Be a Man”, “What we do sexually is a reflection of what we're doing with the rest of our lives”. This statement is profoundly true, and so is its opposite. What we have done with our lives (or what has been [...]
The pattern I often see when helping others process an unwanted relationship with pornography is a correlation between addiction and the propensity toward emotionally enmeshed relationships. Pornography teaches us to relate with emotional fusion and an inability to differentiate in a healthy way (this is another aspect of PSR). This [...]
I love women and I hate them. I need a woman close by to survive yet I can’t have a woman too close. If she gets too close, I will either self-destruct or annihilate her in a variety of socially acceptable, manipulative, systemic ways, like a brain surgeon using a [...]
