I am pleased to share a guest post today by my copy editor & writer, Rose Gwynn. This entry is in response to my Letter to an Objectified Woman, you will hear from a woman who is stuck in an abusive relationship with her objectifying man and the war within herself that she must confront.
Dear Honest Misogynist,
When you use me, I feel powerful.
I have; I am, what you need.
Your spotlight shines on me, and I sparkle and glow under your warmth.
I am worthy, I am sexy, I command your focus and attention. I blossom and unfold all of my beauty for you to behold. I am seen, and I am beautiful.
Something– someone, catches your eye. You are captivated by the gaze of another, and the spotlight moves on.
I am confused, I thought I was the only one, your queen, the chosen.
I crumple to the ground. The warmth is gone, I am wilting.
Am I now useless? Old, used-up, wasted?
Since you have turned away from me, now I turn away from myself. I feel dirty, guilty, and ashamed of the delight I felt under your gaze. My skin feels hot and my chest is heavy and tight. I am dumbfounded at the realization that I have given you all of me, and now nothing is left.
Am I a fool?
I believed your slick talk, your smooth words pretending to soothe while wounding so nonchalantly. You admit your failings only to congratulate yourself on your humility?
You say you can’t help it, you know no other way, do you expect compassion from me?
This war is yours to fight, stop destroying in others what your father destroyed in you.
Will you ever grow up?
I resolve not desire love anymore, I choose the safety of numbness.
I close my heart up and carefully cover myself to conceal my vulnerabilities.
My hope is even less than my courage.
As I look into the mirror to smooth my appearance, I avoid my empty, dull gaze.
You will be back, and when you are, I’ll be ready with your favorite act. I know how to feel powerful, and I need that feeling.
As long as I continue to hate myself, I will accept whatever crumbs you will throw my way, for that is all I know how to do.
See you soon,
An Objectified Woman