Sheila Gregoire recently posted this question on her social media, “ A guy is getting out of the Every Man's Battle mentality and truly trying to put porn & lust behind him. He's doing the work. He's seeing a counselor.The problem is that he still battles with lustful thoughts when [...]
The five senses are how humans perceive and interact with the world. Through pornography use, other unhealthy sexual practices, and the socialization of masculinity, we have become disembodied creatures. Returning to what makes us most alive (our five senses) will be the path toward liberation, wholeness, and integrity. Porn has [...]
It is vital, especially in the historical segregation of genders within Christian communities, to address and heal our gendered wounds, full-faced and fully storied. I will unpack what I mean by that. Growing up in the bible-belt at the height of the purity culture of the 90s, I was taught [...]
I don’t like that word—victory. It seems to communicate such finality, a destination rather than the bloody journey it takes to relearn how to relate non-pornographicly to the world. I have been sober for nearly 15 years now and still don’t feel victorious, much as I do, a survivor. I [...]
During my 13-year addiction to pornography and 20-year addiction to the objectification of women, I am wondering what my penis would have said if it had a voice? Strange, as it may sound, each of our body parts has a story to tell. Will you listen? Will you listen to [...]
“I have been in sin and need prayer” or “I have a problem with lust” are common confessions within the church context. Those with a bit more courage will at least admit that they are struggling with pornography or wandering thoughts about females. But even that has become so normative [...]
I remember when I was living fully into my compulsive sexual behaviors of pornography, fantasy, and masturbation, my brain always seeking its next high. Scanning rooms for cleavage, legs, butts, anything I could take and devour. Literally, not thinking about anyone else but me and my pleasure. The theme of [...]
A common question I get asked weekly is, “What do I do—I caught my teenage son looking at porn?” I intend to write the book, The Sexually Healthy Teen, but until then, let’s talk about some helpful categories to engage your teen after porn exposure. First, make sure your own [...]
The purity movement of the 90s created some odd sexual behaviors that we are still seeing play out 30 years later as those adolescents have become married adults attempting to have healthy sexual relationships. One of those sexual outcomes is that men (and many women) are proud that they “waited” [...]
Recently a pastor from Utah exposed his view of women and his pornographic mindset with his post on modesty, as he blamed women for his own propensity to sin and objectify their beauty. He wrote: I have had some compassion for him since 15 years ago I was that [...]
Fantasy is an effective tool of escape. It soothes wounds and calms the anxious heart. Yet, this commitment to escapism leads to a cowardice in facing our most wounded places and takes a serious toll on how we live and relate. Engagement with fantasy teaches us that relief is more [...]
One of the most difficult parts of this healing process of becoming a good and safe man is owning the fact that you have been abusive. So does that make you an abuser? Of course, it does. Yet, there is such stigma and shame around that word, it is difficult [...]
In 1955, Housekeeping Monthly published an article called, "The Good Wife's Guide," telling wive’s how to be a “good wife” to their husbands. This is the social norm that laid a foundation that our parents were born into and still permeates in the patriarchal, misogynistic air that we breathe. [...]
*Trigger Warning: Depression, Sexuality and Abuse It was the summer of ‘02, in my late teens, I was just coming out of my first full year of college after nearly flunking out; my life was crumbling all around me. A few weeks earlier, I had checked myself in and out [...]
It’s rare, but it happens. Abusive men can heal. But by rare, I mean the data is abysmal. Becoming safe and doing the work of healing only happens among roughly 1 in 10 abusive men. Your abusive husband can heal when, and only when, he fully faces the depth of [...]
It's a question I hear often in the work I do with men recovering from unwanted sexual behaviors: “Is accountability software helpful or effective?” My answer, like most of the advice given in this field, is a nuanced one; yes it is, and no it isn’t. Let me explain. [...]
*trigger warning: Degrading language, graphic sexual abuse described Patriarchy’s influence on popular culture has made objectification and violence against women normative. We are so accustomed to violence against women, we don’t even react to it anymore. Songs I grew up listening to, for example, “O.P.P." by Naughty By [...]
This is an excerpt from my book, The Sexually Healthy Man For us to break free from our unwanted compulsive behaviors, we must have the courage to delve deeper into our woundedness and explore what lies beneath it. We must begin to kindly yet decisively cut out the roots of [...]
I hear it time and time again: “She won’t give me sex”, “She won’t give me what I deserve”, “What is wrong with my wife?” Even if these things aren’t said directly, they are often implied. Men feel they deserve sex on-demand from their wives, and that something is wrong [...]
Excited to team up with my wife Christy Bauman on this article. We regularly work with couples who are in this stage of trying to figure out how to save or lay to rest their marriage. (Check out our marriage offerings) Check out Christy's incredible work here and her new [...]
