Redeeming Power: Reclaiming Authentic Masculinity
The answer to becoming a safe and good man is not becoming weaker (humble, yes—weak, no); it's about becoming more powerful (not aggressive). However, stepping into authentic [...]
Action as the Repair of an Apology
“I am sorry.” “I am SO sorry.” “SORRY!” “No, listen, I am REALLY, REALLY sorry.” “Forgive me?” “My bad.” “My apologies.” When these attempts at an apology [...]
Fantasy Roots: Exploring Our Patterns of Escape
Fantasy is an effective tool of escape. It soothes wounds and calms the anxious heart. Yet, this commitment to escapism leads to a cowardice in facing our [...]
Counting Condoms & Learning Goodbye
For the last couple of years, I have created an odd and somewhat soothing ritual. As I talk on the phone with my [...]
Am I an Abuser? A Self-Assessment
One of the most difficult parts of this healing process of becoming a good and safe man is owning the fact that you have been abusive. So [...]
“You are an abuser!” “No, you are the abuser!”
It's rare for an abusive man somewhere on the spectrum of an abuser not to claim that his wife is just as abusive or is also an abuser. [...]