I carry you with me, everywhere. The lines of my hands resemble yours. The wrinkles beginning to form on my face bear a time when you used to smile. I see you in my crooked nose; it looks a lot like your integrity. These types of recognitions stun me on [...]
Christy Bauman and I are excited to announce our new business name to account for the increased growth and demand. It's been exciting to host people from all over the country. Such an honor to step into the most sacred parts of people's stories. Thank you for your referrals and [...]
Reader's Ask Andrew, My 20-year marriage ended in a rapid divorce last year. We share three children ages 9, 6, and 3. As a pastor's kid, I was steeped in patriarchy and lots of chaos in a dysfunctional family that over-spiritualized life and moralized disagreements to perpetuate enmeshment. I married [...]
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your spouse’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your spouse, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your [...]
God went swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. She loved the water. It was cold and refreshing, though the salt made Her eyes burn. The water was dark and holy. She liked to be dunked under it by Her dad. Some call it baptism, God called it Her bathtub. She used [...]
Our genitals are good. They were made for giving and receiving pleasure, new life, and experiencing radical divine joy. Many times our sexual organs get a bad rap. Sometimes we feel they have betrayed us. This happens often in the context of sexual abuse. Many victims of sexual abuse experience [...]
A common theme in marriage is a relational dynamic I call “the Savior & the Goat”. Typical Saviors and Goats are initially attracted to each other because of function; each person serves an unconscious role of utility and psychological soothing. For example, if I have a high level of self-contempt [...]
I was attending a professional training group to improve my therapeutic skills when I was brought face to face with deep, lingering fear and shame around my past treatment of women and idolatry of beauty. One of the exercises we were asked to do was to pair up with another [...]
Below is a note from a concerned mother about her and her child's traumatic experience with pornography. We have chosen to protect the identity of the child and the family. Yet this letter is a gift for many of us to learn from as we continue the fight against the [...]
As I observe the state of our nation, I am increasingly concerned, especially with the state of the faith community at large. Many folks call the U.S. a Christian nation, and yet, in practice, we are anything but. While we increase our spending on military machines, we not only don’t [...]
We Christians love a good story. We know that stories are powerful, and sometimes we get caught up in the craving for that power. I've told my life's story hundreds of times. In fact, when I was a pastor, I was applauded time and time again for the “power” of [...]
“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” – James Baldwin One of the privileges of being white in America is that I never had to look deeply [...]
We cry out for attachment through our excessive violence, our lack of school attendance, the amount of women we seduce, and few understand why we act out. In just three decades, the number of boys living without their biological fathers has doubled. Fifty percent of American children tonight will go [...]
One exercise I do often with clients is have them begin to tell the truth to their parents. This is not an attempt to blame their parents for all their current problems, but rather to reclaim a lost voice. We often relate to our parents the same way [...]
Come home, heart. Though you frighten me, I am ready for you to come out of hiding. I now know you are good, tender, and strong. I am secure enough to accept you, now. In the past I have grievously abused you. I mistook your softness, tore your sensitivity to [...]
1 Addiction 2 Addictions 3 Addictions 4 Dad, can you be addicted to anything more? 5 Addictions 6 Addictions 7 Addictions 8 Damn Dad can’t you get numb yet? 9 Addictions 10 Addictions 11 Addictions 12 Will you ever stop hating yourself? I am [...]
After a few years as a therapist, I realized that a strictly narrative-based approach towards counseling limited the depth of the work that I was able to do with my clients, especially those who were who struggling with unwanted sexual behaviors. I started training with a somatic therapist to step [...]
“Getting off is getting off, it doesn’t matter how,” he said with a smirk. “I mean, I’m not gay, I just like busting a nut and don’t care how it happens.” My client’s crude demeanor was no surprise, considering his unwavering narcissism and complete shamelessness. I listened as he described [...]
As I've become aware of the complexities of sexism, I see the world much differently than I did before. I am beginning to look for ways to raise my children to not “drink the kool-aid” of sexism that is so ingrained in American society, especially in evangelical culture. Recently, my [...]
