The five senses are how humans perceive and interact with the world. Through pornography use, other unhealthy sexual practices, and the socialization of masculinity, we have become disembodied creatures. Returning to what makes us most alive (our five senses) will be the path toward liberation, wholeness, and integrity. 

Porn has become the mentor of many of our sexualities in the formable age of puberty, solidifying and perverting our sexual arousal templates. Suppose pornography became the primary teacher of your sexual evolution. You have most likely developed a pornographic mindset (defined below) and a pornographic style of relating (defined below) that sexual mentorship will inform how you see and, ultimately, how you relate to the world. You will interact with the world disembodied and less human, using only part of God’s intended humanity. You will only use the senses you practice and develop most. So with porn, you only use sight and sometimes sound if you watch videos. But you are not using your whole body or the fullness of your sexuality. 

Pornographic Mindset: A pornographic mindset refers to a way that pornography has informed your thinking toward people, relationships, or situations through objectification and self-gratification. Consuming pornography teaches us how to think about women, issues of power, and consent. It often reduces individuals (especially women) into objects to be consumed rather than equally respected partners. This mindset negatively impacts relationships and how we cultivate connections. 

Pornographic Style of Relating: A pornographic style of relating is a way of relating to others that can develop when pornography is a primary influence on sexual development. Some characteristics of a pornographic style of relating include:

  • Control: The individual is the only one in the dynamic with complete control over the scene.
  • Speed: Relationships are rushed, with a quick climax and an abrupt ending.
  • Hunger: There is a frantic need to be filled by another person.
  • Isolation: Sexuality is learned in private without connection and remains hidden from oneself.
  • Fantasy: Fantasy is used as an escape from reality.) 

Becoming Embodied

For us to become more embodied, we must engage our bodies more fully and become more sexual and more sensual. We have become numb robots in our bodies, detached and dangerously unaware. We call working with the body in the trauma-healing process “somatic work.” (Soma means “the body as distinct from the soul, mind, or psyche.”) Doing somatic work is an integral part of my process of helping people heal from past trauma and become sexually healthy men. Learning to feel more deeply and fully is the path toward healing. Here are some examples of how we engage the five senses in our men’s workshops. Each man is partnered with another man doing these exercises, though some can be done alone if you cannot find a partner. 

Embodying Sight: The ability to detect light and color through the eyes, allowing us to see objects, movement, and depth. Through our sight, we see each other’s faces. We become readers of micro-expressions on each other’s faces. 60% of our faces are not controlled; we need each other to be in touch with our sight to read each other more accurately. 

(Excercise: Eye to Eye and Sentence stems) 

Preferably with a partner or a close friend, you will sit or stand eye to eye about 6 inches from each other’s face. Start with about a minute of uninterrupted eye contact. Just feel all that is happening in your body. After about a minute, we do sentence stems. As you continue to look into your partner’s eyes, complete this sentence, “I see in your eyes…” and complete the sentence out loud without repeating the prompt. “Historically, intimacy for me has been….” Just complete the sentence and see where it leads. Through holding eye contact, you will start seeing your partner differently and allow needed exposure from your partner who is seeing you. 

Embodying Hearing: The sense that enables us to perceive sound through our ears.

(Excercise: Sound Bath) 

We offer a sound bath for this sensual experience. We have sound bowls, singing bowls, a variety of drums, and musical instruments. Men lay down to be more connected to the earth and close their eyes, bathing in the immersive sound. It’s a powerful sensual experience that helps men become more rooted in their bodies and more keenly aware. 

Embodying Smell: The sense that allows us to detect and identify odors through receptors in the nose, linking smells to memories and emotions. 

(Excercise: Smelling Oils and describe the sensation) 

During this exercise, men will close their eyes and be offered a random scented oil. They will offer it to their partner to smell, and then that person will describe what emotion and/or memory is invoked by that smell. 

Embodying Taste: The ability to perceive flavors. 

(Excercise: Feed each other and describe the taste in hyper detail) 

For this exercise, men will close their eyes and offer their partners time to taste. Like the smell experience, they will then describe what emotion and memory the taste involves and describe in hyper detail what they are experiencing in their body. 

Embodying Touch: The sense that allows us to feel physical sensations. 

(Excercise: Keep eyes closed and touch a foreign object) 

In this exercise, both partners close their eyes, and a random item is placed in their hands. They touch and feel the item and describe it in hyper detail, naming what they feel and attempting to figure out what the item is only using touch.  

What does this have to do with becoming sexually healthy? 

Everything. Bringing our bodies into awareness will make us more attuned and better lovers. If we can feel, then we can heal. 

Instead of running away/numbing our bodies, we must run towards awakening our bodies. As C. S. Lewis once said, “Our desires are not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Let’s awaken our desire, heighten our senses, become more embodied, and, in turn, deepen our humanity.