"We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten who we really are.” -GK Chesterton Who you are now is not who you were. Who you are becoming has not yet been defined. This is our greatest gift and our sharpest [...]
I carry you with me, everywhere. The lines of my hands resemble yours. The wrinkles beginning to form on my face bear a time when you used to smile. I see you in my crooked nose; it looks a lot like your integrity. These types of recognitions stun me on [...]
Reader's Ask Andrew, My 20-year marriage ended in a rapid divorce last year. We share three children ages 9, 6, and 3. As a pastor's kid, I was steeped in patriarchy and lots of chaos in a dysfunctional family that over-spiritualized life and moralized disagreements to perpetuate enmeshment. I married [...]
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your spouse’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your spouse, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your [...]
Below is a note from a concerned mother about her and her child's traumatic experience with pornography. We have chosen to protect the identity of the child and the family. Yet this letter is a gift for many of us to learn from as we continue the fight against the [...]
As I observe the state of our nation, I am increasingly concerned, especially with the state of the faith community at large. Many folks call the U.S. a Christian nation, and yet, in practice, we are anything but. While we increase our spending on military machines, we not only don’t [...]
“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” – James Baldwin One of the privileges of being white in America is that I never had to look deeply [...]
One exercise I do often with clients is have them begin to tell the truth to their parents. This is not an attempt to blame their parents for all their current problems, but rather to reclaim a lost voice. We often relate to our parents the same way [...]
1 Addiction 2 Addictions 3 Addictions 4 Dad, can you be addicted to anything more? 5 Addictions 6 Addictions 7 Addictions 8 Damn Dad can’t you get numb yet? 9 Addictions 10 Addictions 11 Addictions 12 Will you ever stop hating yourself? I am [...]
A Therapeutic Rendition of Luke 18:9-14: 9 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own piety and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men wanted to please God. One was self-sufficient, and the other was a broken man who needed help. 11 The self-sufficient man [...]
Dear Andrew, Before marriage, I was a sex addict who slept with hundreds of women and struggled terribly with porn. Porn was a struggle in the beginning of our marriage as well, but over time I have learned how to remove it from my life. I have never cheated on [...]
Here is Part 3 of this continued series of letters both to and from an honest misogynist. May it stir your heart to action against violence. This piece was written in collaboration with Rose Gwynn. Part 1 Part 2 Dear Honest Misogynist, What a journey this has been. I have learned [...]
Internalized sexism and patriarchy are deeply entrenched into American culture. Even the Christmas season is not immune from this plague. As we celebrate the baby Jesus’ courageous entry into our world, sexist songs and rhetoric attempt to make light of sexual entrapment and the complete disregard of female voices and [...]
excerpt from A Brave Lament Book ©abravelament 2017 all rights reserved It is so hard to think of his sweet body in the ground, many days I have to convince my hands not to dig him back up, even for a moment, just one more moment to hold him. These [...]
Pictures tell stories, both told and untold. This photo tells thousands. There are years I go without looking into its glory, but it always whispers back for my return. At times it is just too painful to peer into. Though nearly 30 years have passed since it was taken, there [...]
This past week I spent in Ashland, OR at the Masters Center for Transformation, facilitated by Dr. Robert Masters (http://robertmasters.com/) . It was some of the deepest psychospiritual healing work I have ever done in my life. I laughed, I yelled, I moaned, I sang, I mourned, I grieved, and [...]
When forgiveness is preached it feels so simple, so easy, yet there is nothing simply easy about it. Forgiveness well sort of sucks. I have heard this word so much growing up in church, it has become nauseating (probably why I avoided writing this for so long). Forgiveness is one [...]
A Brave Lament: a short film of life & death We are currently raising funds to complete our new film and book project. Please consider donating and sharing with your networks. During our grieving process, we realized authentic Christian resources were rare and lacking depth and emotional integrity. We wanted [...]
I remember the walls... The cold white lonesome walls that mirrored my image with perfection. Starring into my face I saw a colorless, chipped, lifeless wall echoing my future loudly. I remember this moment like it was tomorrow though it has been 13 years since I admitted myself into [...]
Inviting Pain & Welcoming Grief: how do you want to die? Grief requires us to acknowledge and surrender to our throbbing, it is easy to have contempt for this reality and deny its invitation into our lives. I would argue for grief’s essential role in our lives as the 16th-century [...]
